Oscar's Bio.
By Geoff.

Oscar Beltran's story is rather unique. You see, whereas all the other Squad Patrol members are trying to grow into their own egos, Oscar is still just trying to grow into his nose. And what a magnificent nose it is.

It all began in the summer of '91. All of the Squad Patrol members decided to hit puberty together. As their skinny arms became massive and muscular, and their genitals grew like soft summer squash, Oscar felt something was wrong. His arms still thin and his crotch still lacking, he noticed that all of his pubescent body mass was instead being directed straight to his nose.

At five-foot-one, 45 pounds, Oscar's feeble frame could barely support the schnoz that the puberty gods had "blessed" him with. He slipped into a deep depression and spent years in seclusion. Most of his days were spent working on a special vehicle that could transport him, along with his gargantuan beak, to the school of his dreams, Skagit Valley Community College.

At Skagit Valley, his nose thrived. Although Oscar did not like baseball, his nose was recruited to play for the team, bringing Oscar some much-needed confidence. A problem arose, however, when the nose's coach needed a name to put on the uniform. "Hmmm," Oscar said. "I've always liked the name Stiles, from Teen Wolf, let's call the nose Rob Stiles!"

As Rob's fame grew (and Oscar followed), Skagit Valley became too small. They decided to head East, to the beautiful campus of Washington State University. But first, a stop at a local surgeon known worldwide for his skill in separating Siamese twins. That's right, Oscar decided to have his nose, now known as Rob, removed from the front of his face. After a successful operation, and months of rehabilitation (Rob needed to learn to grow arms, legs, eyes, etc.), the new-look duo arrived in Pullman. Armed with a new best friend, and a more "normal-sized" nose, Oscar took the University by storm. He let his ex-nose, Rob, ride his coattails to fame, while hosting the hit show "Nite Time" on Cable 8.

When word traveled about Oscar's hosting prowess, his old friends "Squad Patrol" came out of the woodwork and welcomed him back to the team. Of course, they couldn't ask Oscar back without bringing in lil' Rob. And so was complete the rag-tag group of Squad Patrol, and the autobiography of Oscar Nariz Beltran.